The Art
by ObsessiveCompulsive5699
Summary: The artist becomes the art. The loveless becomes loved. The feeling of lost hope I thought would burn through my chest, the pain of loneliness I thought would never go away, finally left welcomed a new feeling." AU, Yaoi, SasoDei
1. Moving On

**Compulsive Noties **:3

**So I decided to write a SasoDei. I don't know, they're cute. It probably won't be a very long story, but this is the first chapter. It's longer then I usually write, but I'm trying to make long chapters. So...yeah lol. Btw, Dei's a bit OOC because he's trying to clean up his act, and he's in an environment he's not used to...so yeah.  
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**Warning: Slight OOC, Yaoi**

**Writer: Compulsive!**

**Disclaimer: This is _Fan_fiction. nuff said.  
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The building I stood in front of was a large white building, a set of windows for each floor looking out onto the cold hard pavement covered with car rushing past each other. I took a very deep breath, and walked up to the glass double doors. The lobby was huge, almost frightening, but the whole point of this was to overcome my fear of judgment. My therapist told me that to get out of my bad habits, I had to do something spontaneous, something the normal me would think of doing. Seeing as making bombs was not the best habit to be involved in I decided it be better if I did something a little bit out there as well. But because I couldn't think of anything, I foolishly had Kisame sign me up for something instead.

It wasn't like he had signed me up for something normal either, like dancing, or a community project, he signed me up to be a model. And as simple as this may sound it wasn't your normal modeling. I was to be a nude model for a painting class. And I had heard him crack jokes about how I would make the most beautiful model, but I still didn't believe he had gone and done something as ridiculous as this. Even if it was art related.

It wasn't like I could back out either, because the program was set up in such a way that if you were chosen you had to jump through so many hoops, that by the time you actually got told whether you were freed or not, you would have already been stripped down and ready to pose! But I was also a bit glad I had this opportunity, I know for a fact I would have never picked it out, but I'm glad it was given to me. It was time for me to do something new.

I walked up to the front desk, where a slender woman, with blue hair sat flipping through a planner, a headset in her ear. She put up a finger and told who ever she was on the phone with to hold on.

"Hi, how may I help you?" She asked, sweetly.

"I'm I'm looking for the..." I cleared my throat, and lowered my voice. "Nude painting class." She smiled and pointed to an elevator.

"It's on floor 4A, room 206."

"Oh, alright, arigato." I replied, bowing before turning to head for the silver doors. When I got on the elevator I pressed the button 4A. Only then did I realize the monstrosity this building really was. There was up to thirty A's and thirty B's, not including the Lobby, and rooftop. I closed my mouth, tried to calm myself down. My heart was already beginning to pound, and I hadn't even gotten off the elevator.

_'Come on Dei, snap out of it. How many people have seen you naked as it is?'_

I let out a short chuckle, as the elevator doors opened. Walking down the long hallway I looked at the number.

"198, 199, 200, 201, 202...206!" I counted, quietly to myself. When I walked in the room, there was about my height, with red hair, flipping through a news paper. The room was very dark, and only half the lights were turned on. There was a mattress against one of the walls with a few thin, silk looking sheets on it. There was about fifteen easels and a small desk in the corner cover with nothing but a few papers and a pencil. The walls were bear, except one that was covered in sketches of different people, some nude, some fully clothed, some weren't even of bodies, just faces, all happy faces.

"You can change over there." He said, monotone, not even bothering to look at me from over the news paper. He motioned to an old fashion fold up Japanese screen with one finger. Stunned I froze in my tracks. "Better hurry, the artist'll be here soon, and when you keep them waiting, they get angry."

"Oh! Gomennasai." I scampered over to the screen and began to take my shirt off, then my jeans. And as I looked down at my body, and the last article of clothing I had on and took a deep breath as I slowly slid them off. I looked from behind the screen, pulling my hair out of a pony-tail

"Uh, what do I do now?" He scoffed, and folded up his paper before standing up.

"Leave it to Konan to pick out a newbie." He muttered storming over to me. "Come on now, don't be shy." He almost spat, as I walked out. He pointed to the bed and used his other hand to wave. I shuffled over the the bed where I sat down.

"I-"

"_No_, lay down." So I laid. "Now are you comfortable with me touching you?" He asked, clearly already annoyed. It must have been a company policy for him to say that, but I just nodded, hoping to make this a little less complicated. He placed the sheet in my hand and turned me to my back. He took my left hand and moved it on to my chest, but when his fingers touched mine he momentarily paused. I felt a shock serge through me, but I assumed it was only static. It seemed he had felt it too. I ignored it, and he had apparently had too. He lifted my left knee, and turned my head a bit to the right.

Once he was finished adjusting me and stepped back and examined he placing.

"Would you relax your right hand a bit, and open your mouth a tad?" I followed his instructions and he walked away, back to his chair I assumed.

"Sasori-sensei, we got a new model?" A voice called from the door. I wanted to look, but knew I should probably stay still. He made some sound of agreement and re-opened his newspaper. "What happened to the old one?"

"We try to keep in rotation, Daichi-san. This is actually a brand new one, so lets treat him well, ne?" I heard a bit a laughter, and then he pulled up a chair to one of the easels. He didn't really say anything after that, just began pulling out items, and setting up. About nine other people did the same before the person Daichi had called Sasori began rounding the room. For about a half hour I laid there and I was painted. It felt a bit odd, being completely nude in front of a bunch of strangers...but it didn't matter. They weren't...judging me...were they? They were just drawing what they saw...what if they saw a flaw...or imperfection...

_'Calm down. They don't see any imperfections.'_

I took a deep breath, and waiting silently for the class to end. Before I knew it, people were finishing up and wrapping up their drawings, paintings, and what ever else they had laid on to the canvases.

"Very nice job today class. We'll meet again next Thursday afternoon. Thanks for coming out today." He said, monotone again. I sat up and walked back behind the screen again to get re-dressed. When I walked back out, fully clothed and covered I walked up to him and he handed me a piece of paper.

"Sorry for being such an ass. Before the class starts I get anxious, because many models don't take this very seriously. But you did, so thanks. If you have any questions or concerns call this number. It's my personal number, so please refrain from using it to make a new friend." I felt another shock as he placed the slip of paper in my hand.

"So...we can't be friends?" He looked at me, eyes near dead, and somewhat frowned.

"No." He turned away, and began to pack up the things I assumed he brought. I stood there for a second and watched him before he stopped and looked at me, clearly telling me to leave.

"Gomennasai!" I said, before exiting.

When I got outside the building I saw storm clouds suddenly brewing. Today was not going to be a good day. I sat down on the bench outside, knowing I really didn't wanna go back inside that monstrosity. Flipping open my phone I searched for Kisame, who was suppose to pick me up and five o' clock sharp, seeing as my car was in the shop, and take me home. I pressed the phone to my ear and listened to the call go straight to voice mail.

"Great..."

I hoped he was on his way, and put the phone back in my pocket. It wasn't like I could call anyone else, I just moved here trying to get away from the old life I had left behind. Like I said, making bombs really is a bad habit, and with bad habits, you make bad friends. The only place I could move was here, closer to Kisame, who always seemed to be busy. But he was one of my closest friends, next to Itachi. But I had lost his phone number when I got my new phone. I was still waiting for Kisame to give him my number, since he refused to give him mine.

As I thought over what I would do if Kisame didn't show, as he always seemed to do, I felt the first sign of rain. I rubbed my face, wishing I had gone with my better instincts and brought a hoody. When the light sprinkle turned into a full blow down pour, I thought it might just be better to try and walk the eight miles home. But just as I had decided this day couldn't get any better I saw Sasori leaving the building. His car was right in front of the place, and he slipped his key in and opened the door to put his things away. As he slammed the door shut, and began around the car he stopped to look at me again, sitting on the bench. Still here.

"Need a ride?" He said, obviously miffed, still. I nodded sheepishly, standing up. I walked over to his car and opened the door to get in. By this time I was soaking wet. He sat down in the drivers seat and buckled up before starting the car. After a few minutes I broke the silence.

"My name is Deidara, by the way...you can call me Dei, though..."

"Won't have to." He stated blankly turning the car on to the freeway. "So where do you live?" He asked. I felt around my pockets before realizing I had forgot my keys in Kisame's car.

_'Nice going.'_

"I don't have my keys, so you can just drop me off at at my friend's house."

"Obviously I can't. He's clearly not home, or else he would have came to pick you up. Am I right? You have no place to go, and for some reason or another, so friends to pick you up or stay with. You have no car, and no mode of transportation, besides walking, to get anywhere!" I gave one single nod, and opened my mouth to apologize. "Don't. Just...save it."

I took a deep breath and looked over at him from the corner of my eye. He had the most beautiful red hair you would ever see. A perfect pale completion, and an all around perfect face. He was nearly flawless, if it wasn't for the frown that seemed fixed on his face for an eternity, he would be perfect. His hands were strong, but so soft looking. He was like an angered angel.

"So..." I began hoping he'd catch my drift.

"I guess...I guess you can stay at my place...Don't take this the wrong way though. We aren't friends, you just happen to have no place to go, and my heart isn't cold enough to throw you out on the street."

"I...okay." It was silent for a bit more before I noticed his fingers were digging into the steering wheel. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but was afraid of him just getting angrier and kicking me out anyways. "A..are you okay?" I watched him take a very deep breath and look at me and nod before looking back at the road.

When we finally pulled up to what I assumed was his house, we both got out and I waited behind him at the door, as he fiddled with his keys. It was an averaged sized house, a yellow color, with two large windows out front. From which you could see his dining room and living room. When he unlocked the door and we both stepped in, he abruptly tossed me some clean clothes and walked into the darkness I assumed to be a hallway.

"Do you have-"

"You'll be staying in the guest room. And when will your friend be here to pick you up?" He asked coming back from the darkness and turning a light on, illuminating a hallway to four doors. I flipped open my phone and tried calling Kisame again, only to get the voice mail a second time.

"I should be out of here by tomorrow." I said, solemnly.

"Stop it." He said, flatly. I looked up at him from the clothes I so needed to change in to.

"Stop what?"

"Whatever you're doing...just stop..." I gave him a confused look. He scoffed and walked off. Still confused I walked into the room that was to be mine, and undressed myself. I looked at my skin that was beginning to itch from the wet and cold and quickly hopped into my new clothes. When I opened my door he was standing there. It was like he was waiting...or was just about to knock.

"I..." I watched him take a deep breath, and looked at him up and down. It was almost like a he was a little boy waiting to be chastised. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Be such an ass? Do you do this a lot?" I asked, hoping not to offend him.

"Actually no..." He rolled his eyes. "I'm usually pretty flat lined, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm just extremely exhausted." He said, beginning to leave.

"Are you sure...it...couldn't just be something else?" I whispered, walking past him.

"Hmm?"

"Where's your bathroom?" He pointed down the hall.

Everything was so tidy in his house, from the bathroom, to the living room. I really just wanted to mess things up. I quickly finished up and washed my hands. When I walked out of the bathroom I saw he had left his door open. He was sitting on his bed, sprawled out, staring at the ceiling.

I walked up and stood in his door frame a moment to watch him.

"I'm going to bed." He was silent for a second.

"I'm practically anti-social. And I feel so alone, that...I can't feel anything but jealousy. And no one ever knows." I sat down on his bed next to him, as he sat up.

"You seem like you need someone to talk to." He looked at me with sleepy eyes, perfect eyes.

"I really don't..." He insisted. There was only a few inches between us, but even as I tried to hold back, I, almost compulsively, leaned in to close the gap. As I pressed my lips to his I felt his face to to the side and he deepened the kiss. I opened my mouth a little, and he did so as well. He invaded my mouth, and gently grazed my tongue before breaking the kiss. "The artist becomes the art. The loveless becomes loved. The feeling of lost hope I thought would burn through my chest, the pain of loneliness I thought would never go away, finally left to welcome a new feeling." He stated, eyes still shut.

"So you felt it, too?"

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**Reviews make life worth living! :D**


	2. This New Feeling

**Compulsive Notes**

**God this took FOR EVER! Because I wrote a lemon for the first time in like...MONTHS, so yeah...but I think it turned out rather well. Is it bad that I can talk to people normally, or entertain a four-year-old while writing a lemon? btw It's a lot about emotion...idk whats up with me and emotional stories. I should just be shot. x3**

**WARNING: actual lemon-ness-ness as you read on, haha  
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There was a quiet moment before he stopped, I found myself very closely drawn to him, and though his expression was empty, his body was full of emotion, arms loosely hanging off my shoulders.

"Yes..." He removed his arms, and I began to fiddle with blanket. "I apologize...it's been a while since I've done this." He stated, reaching up and play with a button on my shirt. I put my hand on his, and looked up at him.

"It's okay...I..." I stopped myself and began to take my shirt off, unbuttoning only the top three buttons before sliding it over my head and tossing it on to the floor. Sasori made no noises, but watched me curiously, as I wiggled out of my jeans as well. "Take them off." I said, pointing at his clothing.

"But..."

"This isn't about sex, it's about being raw. I want to get to know you...I want to get to know you raw. Skin to skin." I dropped my boxer-briefs, and waited. "This isn't about sex..." I repeated, quietly. He nodded carefully, quietly slipping out of his clothing, too.

"Why are we naked, again?" He asked, sitting back down on the bed in front of me.

"Clothes...they can mask what you don't want others to see...they can cover who you really are up. But when your naked...I can see all of you. And if you learn to be...okay with yourself naked...words come easier."

"Is that why you signed up for the class?"

"No, I told a friend of mine my theory, I don't think he understood it's not a group activity." Another silence filled the room. I pressed my hand to his chest. "Your heart...it's beating so fast..."

"It's been a while." He just said again. I slowly ran my hand up his neck, over his jaw, lips, cheek, and through his hair. "Your hands are cold." He said, staring blankly into my eyes. I took his hand, and intertwined our fingers. He pulled me closer, and pushed me on my back.

"Your...so handsome..." I whispered as he pressed his lips close to my ear.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." He said.

"It's okay, Danna. I'm just glad I'm in your arms."

"Danna?"

"Danna." I smiled, and in the corner of his mouth, I saw a small smile from his as well. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

It was different with him though. Even if I had been with many people, kissed many lips, this was _different_, so different. His lips were warm, and cool at the same time. When he kissed me I felt it in my stomach. I felt it in my chest. I felt it everywhere, from the bottom of my body to the very top of it. Every inch of me felt covered in this feeling. My heart skipped a beat, when we touched and despite all this all I could think about was all the people I'd ever been with. All I could think about was how beautiful he was, how graceful his stance, how peaceful his expression stayed, and how sexy he was through all of this. My head spun, and my heart beat just about out of my best.

He kissed my jaw bone, then my neck, as I wrapped my arms around his body and relaxed. He ran his hand up my arm and back down as he grabbed my hand. I watched him kiss my collar bone, then kiss my chest. He ran his tongue over my nipple and went back to kissing. I bit my lip as he began to get lower. He stopped just above my belly button and looked up.

"I...I'm not used to doing things like this...so I want to let you know...I'm doing this not because I long for touch, or that I long for your touch, I'm doing this because I feel drawn to you. And even if I'd rather just sit here and talk, I know you want this. And by that I don't mean-"

"Sasori." I said, placing a finger over his mouth, "As much as I'd love to hear you confess the things your feeling right now, I am undergoing them too. Everything, the head rush, the racing heart, the drug like feeling, I feel it. What I _want_ to feel is you. And your stomach rubbing over my crotch isn't helping seeing as you just sitting there."

"Sorry." He whispered, now using his fingers to circle the base of my erection. He opened his mouth, and I watched as he dragged his tongue up to the tip, and sucked softly. I moaned quietly, and he sucked a little harder, slowly making his way back down. He began to move rhythmically up and down. I licked my lips and arched my back.

"Unn..." I felt him start softly clenching his teeth around my member, but also switching back to just using his tongue. The surprise turned me on even more. Suddenly he stopped and licked back up my body and back to my mouth. He pressed his lips to mine again and brushed his tongue over mine. He ran it around and over the roof of my mouth. I sucked on his bottom lip shortly and he broke the kiss. I ran my hand down his back and over his butt, giving his a soft affectionate squeeze. I let out a short chuckle, and kissed him again.

Just as I was really getting into it his sat back, and I propped myself up on my arms. He leaned over to his side table and pulled out some lube a condom. As he was preparing himself I took a deep breath and returned to my back. It had been some time since I'd gone off and let someone fuck me senseless. I hadn't really thought in depth about it until now. And just as I was about to think about it, I felt him inch forward. My heart began to race when I felt his fingers touch my waist. He pulled me onto his lap as I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I could see the beads of sweat dotting his forehead. I wasn't sure if it was from all the moving around, or if he was as nervous as I was.

He started circling my entrance with his index finger and gave me a look.

"Do it." I whispered into his ear. Just as I finished speaking, he pressed it inside. I let out a small gasp. As his finger moved in and out I began to grow impatient. By the third finger, I wanted to scream. When he pulled them out, I was very relieved, but wanted to move on quickly. He maneuvered me around, but abruptly stopped.

"What is it?" I asked. He opened his mouth, said nothing. I really waned to move forward with this.

"I don't know if I can do this..." He stated, flatly.

"Sasori, please don't do this to me. I'm on the edge of insanity, waiting for you to just fuck me. Just fuck me Sasori, please, **just fuck me**. I will beg if I have to, and I don't want to beg." He lifted an eyebrow and pushed me on my back. Re-adjusting my lower half, I let out a sigh, and let my eyes wander to the wall as he slowly pushed inside of me. "Ahh..." He began to thrust, and I closed my eyes. Many a time did I feel the sensation of being taken advantage of. Because of my old ways, there was a lot of times where I was on my back, taking it from someone who I never wanted to see again. Those men didn't want me, and I didn't want them. Not even for that night.

But this was totally different. As he gripped my sides, his hands were full of warmth. In that moment I wanted to be trapped in time. This wasn't comparable to anything I had ever once felt in life. With each thrust I wanted more, it wasn't a greed want, nor a lust want but a...need for more of him. Life a part of my life was missing until this very moment. He continued to thrust I felt him hit just the right spot.

"Un! There! Right there!" I yelped, and he did so, happily. I felt the end approaching, and did everything in my power to hold it off. I was trying my damnedest not to scream, but that too was a difficulty. I could tell his was rounding the corner into orgasm as well with every thrust getting a little bit rougher then the last. His mouth fell open, and I could hear the short breaths leaking out, meshing quietly with my moans. "Ohh!" I cried, gripping his forearms and letting my eyes roll to the back of my head.

And it was over. About two seconds after, he came and slowly pulled out to collapse on top of me.

"That was...un-fucking-believe." I got out in between pants. He pulled himself up close enough to kiss me, then rolled on his back and grabbed my hand. He turned his head to look at me, and I turned mine to look at him.

"For a long time...I believed I could never feel this feeling again...but, despite all odds, you've made me feel it. The empty, deadness inside, the part of me that was once filled with nothingness, feels renewed." And for the first time, I said something I thought I'd never say after having sex,

"Will you hold me?" A small smile appeared on his face, and he nodded, pulling me into his embrace. I lifted my leg, and slid it over his. I snuggled into his neck. "If I wasn't so exhausted, I'd let you fuck me again. And after that? I'd prepare myself for a third time. I'd fuck you until my limbs felt like jello, just so I could match physically what I'm feeling mentally. So I could make my self connected with you, body and soul. But I don't have that kind of energy, so this will have to do...danna."

"I really like that." He said, laughing quietly to himself.

"What?"

"Danna."

"From now on, that's what you are to me. Danna." I smiled, rubbing my face against his neck, our sweat intertwining. I could feel his red hair on my forehead, and let my breath cover his neck.

"I never want you to leave my arms."

"I never want you to leave mine." And with that, the night swiftly slipped away.

-:-

When I finally came to, I kept my eyes shut in fear of the sun filtering in through the blinds, hurting my still sleepy eyes. I shifted positions in the large bed. Slowly but surely the events from yesterday came back, and I remembered where I was. I felt around for the second body, but when I felt nothing I quickly shot up, I looked around. But there he was, sitting next to the bed. He was now in boxers, and I was still naked. I hastily reached for a sheet or blanket.

"I've already seen you naked...twice. Don't you think it's a bit late for those actions?" I left out a sigh of relief and fell backwards on the bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked, noticing he was behind a canvas on an easel, moving around a paint brush. He looked from the easel to me, and smiled.

"You're...just so calm when your sleeping. All day long, you had been tense...even as we..." He paused, and I wasn't sure if he was going to say it, or was just going to assume I knew what he was talking about. "Made love. But for the first time, as you lay there with the light hitting your perfectly you were calm...peaceful. So I began to draw you-"

"Did you say 'make love'?" I interrupted. He nodded.

"I've fucked before, and that wasn't fucking." And the idea that maybe this could be something much more then just some sweet sex, and a wandering though was almost unbearable. I sat up and scooted off the bed before running out of the room, with my mouth covered. I ran straight in to the bathroom and held back the sudden urge to weep. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and wasn't sure weather to be horrified by the sight of me nearly reduced to tears by a few simple words, or ecstatic that maybe this time I wouldn't have to go searching for a new outlet of dead energy. I heard a knock at the door and recomposed myself.

"Hold on, Sasori-danna." I flung the door open and looked him right in the eye.

"I'm sorry if I was a little to-" I cut him off with a deep, passionate kiss.

"You. Did. Nothing." I said, bearly breaking the kiss. "When you have a past full of deception, you believe everyone's out to get you."

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**I know Deidara seems like a little pussy boy, but I'll explain that away in the next chapter...**


	3. Deidara's Story

**Compulsive Notes**

**Usually I would only say 'Notes' when something bad was gonna happen, but nothing bad is gonna happen, this isn't a sad chapter. More of a chapter to expand on Dei's ways. It's also kind of short, I think? It took forever to write because I got grounded, then distracted...but anyways, I plan on writing another lemon soon :3 Enjoy!  
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There was something about Sasori holding me that made time stop. Something that woke up in my brain when he pressed his welcoming body against mine, something that electrified me with his magical touch. Every inch of me sang with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around me. As cliché as it sounds, though we had just met yesterday, it felt like a life time had passed. For once I was proud to say I was in someone's arms, someone I actually cared about. For once I didn't believe I was going to wake up alone.

I felt his hand trace every plate in my well defined spine, before going up through my hair. I leaned into his neck and breathed softly.

"What do you mean 'A past of deception?'" I nuzzled softly against his neck, and considered how I would put a life time of sleeping around into a few words.

"Maybe we should go out to breakfast...I'll tell you there." I heard a small chuckle escape his mouth. I loosened my grip and looked him in the eye. "What?"

"Perhaps you should put some sort of clothing on first?" He said, still chuckling quietly to himself. I looked down at my fully exposed body. We had been in here for a few minutes now, and he at least had some boxers on. I on the other hand, was completely naked, still.

"Yeah..." I said, letting go completely. He turned to leave, and I followed after him. I walked into the room and sat on his bed. He tossed me a pair of jeans, a pair of boxers, and an odd graphic tee shirt. It had a scribble going up the side in purple, but it was an off white looking color. I asked no questions just slipped into the clothes quietly.

After he had put clothes on as well, we hopped into his car. About five minutes into the ride, my cell phone went off, and I pulled it out of the jean pocket to see who it was. It was Kisame.

"Yeah thanks for picking me up yesterday, after dropping me off in a city I knew nothing about. Ass." I spat.

"Dei-kun! I'm sorry! Itachi flew off the handle bars when he found Mr. Muffles' hair balls covered in blood! I was dragged by him and his stupid cat to the vet. Of course Itachi didn't want to leave until the emergency operation was over! I was stuck there until eight-o-clock at night! For a fucking cat!" In the background I could hear Itachi yelling about how 'Kisame never cared for anyone but himself.' Needless to say, Kisame apologized to both of us and said he'd call me back later when Itachi wasn't being a 'Name calling bitch'.

"That the friend who was suppose to come and get you yesterday?" I nodded, placing my chin in my hand, my elbow now on the arm rest next to the window. "But aren't you glad he didn't pick you up?" I looked over at him, from the corner of my eye, biting my lip and hiding a smile.

"Perhaps." He smiled as we pulled up to a red light.

"Kisame hasn't been reliable since he hooked up with that Itachi. I mean, they're cute together, and make each other happy, and I guess that's all that matters, but when it comes down to it they argue like cats and dogs. They usually work it out in the end, but someone else always gets affected by their arguments, one time they even put an old lady in the..." Hearing nothing but honking, I looked over at him, then the green light, then the person flipping him off as they drove by. "Sasori! Green light!"

"Oh!" He suddenly realized what was going on and hit the gad peddle.

"Were you even paying attention?" I asked, my palms turned up, and a confused look on my face.

"No..." He paused, and just as I was about to say something to him he started up again. "But have you ever seen you self begging to fu-" I slapped my hand over his mouth.

"As a matter-of-fact Danna, I have. It was rather embarrassing. Is that what you were distracted by?" He nodded, still smiling. We pulled up to the restaurant at that time.

As we were getting out of the car, he looked over at me.

"I just can't stop thinking about the cute little sounds you made as I was sucking your-"

"Okay thanks, Sasori! We're in public!" I yelled, almost laughing nervously. He grabbed my hand, and his smile grew. I assumed it was when he saw my bright red face.

Just as we sat down, a younger man came up.

"Sasori-san! It's so good to see you again! Do you mind if I join you and your while I wait for my friend?" He nodded and scooted over. The man out reached his hand in my direction and I shook it. Something didn't feel right about him.

"Hi, I'm Tobi! Me and Sasori-san went to high school together." He smiled, though it was crooked.

"This is Deidara, Tobi." He said motioning to me. Tobi turned to look at Sasori with the same freaky grin.

"Wow, Sasori-san! I've never seen you smile before!" Tobi said, turning back around and looking past the booth. I smiled at the comment, and he scooted out. "Well, there's my friend, we should catch up sometime!" He joyfully said before pulling out his wallet and a card.

After he left, the waiter came. After she left Sasori, grabbed my hand, and began to rub it with his thumb.

"So, as I recall, you were going to tell me about your past." I took a deep breath, and set my other arm on the table.

"Will you tell me about yours...and...that thing?" I asked, pointing in the direction that Tobi had left toward. He nodded. "Well...I was an orphan. I'm not sure what happened to my mom, or my dad. I don't remember either of them. Actually, I don't remember anything before the age of ten. All I remember was the incessant teasing."

"What did they tease you about?"

"I've always been rather androgynous. As a child, looking back, I did look a lot like a little girl. Children on the play ground could be so cruel. Middle school kids got worst. That's why in high school, I was determined to prove to all people who had ever called me a girl that I was masculine. I went through girls like candy, and thought that things were fine. When I finally tried to sleep with a girl something felt wrong. Like I didn't belong in that place. I felt like a missing puzzle piece."

"I understand that feeling."

"Yeah...she was absolutely beautiful too, top of the line. Barbie would be jealous. But I couldn't find myself wanting her in a sexual way. Or any romantic way at all. I wanted to be her brother...maybe just her friend. That's when I found myself attracted to a different person. And I found it odd because when I actually talked to him, all I wanted to do was get in his pants...and I did...many times. But I got bored with him, and moved on."

"And then...?" He asked, leaning in slightly.

"I think I slept with every gay, bi, bi curious, and even a few 'straight' guys, at least twice. I got _around_, and it didn't even take a year."

"Wow, have you been tested for STDs?" I laughed,

"Oh I used protection every time. Even so, I got checked up on monthly. I was a whore, but I wasn't stupid. After I'd slept around the school I was constantly bored. And because I knew nothing but sex, I'd do anything to pleasure myself or anyone around me. It got to a point when I would even give hand jobs in the bathroom. But after a one night stand and a cigarette, he asked me what it was like being the school whore. It hit me, that all I truly was to anyone was the school whore." As I finished that sentence the lady came back with our food, and we began to eat.

"What did you do?"

"He told me if I wanted to change, he could introduce me to a whole new type of high, making bombs."

"Making bombs?" Sasori asked, choking on a pancake.

"Yup. All sorts of bombs, I didn't understand what it was about the intricate little designs, or the designs, or maybe it was the good money...whatever it was, I was hooked, and loved every minute of it. I could spend hours working on a bomb, and never get tired of the thing. One day I almost blew myself up, and ended up in the hospital." I lifted up the long hair that covered up my eye to show a thin scar paralleling the bottom of my eyebrow.

"Wow...it's so thin...what happened?" He pressed his hand on my face, and pulled it away.

"When I was working on a really small bomb, I cut the wrong cord, and it popped. I have scars on my hands too." I flipped my palms over to show him.

"They look like small mouths, so does the scar you have on your chest."

"I thought you'd notice that...but like I was saying, I told Kisame about all this and he sent me to a therapist. The therapist said I had a fear of being judged, and needed to over come it in a way that built character, stayed true to my artistic roots, and showed me in a way I loved to be seen in. Kisame took that a bit to literally. Which is how I ended up here." I said, taking a bite, then smiling.

"I guess I owe you a story now, don't I...?" I nodded, and took another bite.

"I don't want to hear it here though. Nor in the car."

"What, why?" He asked, monotone once again.

"Your not like the others, who I just wanted to forget...I want to make memories with you, and a memory has already been made here..." He nodded and took the last bite of his toast.

"Shall we move on then?" I felt my phone vibrate, and lifted up one slinky finger before un-pocketing the small device. It was Kisame again.

"That didn't take forever at all. I need my car back. I'm also locked out of my house, so hop on it, I'll meet you at my place in an hour, if your late I'll blow your house up. Goodbye." Before he could even reject the idea, I flipped the phone shut.

"Well that was straight forward."

"He knows better then to mess with me."

"Oh, Deidara, how easy it will be to fall in love with your mannerisms."

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**What an odd hobby, making bombs? haha " I was a whore, but I wasn't stupid." Do you see how I made the mouth adaptions, no one in real life has mouths on their hands. As fun as that would make your sex life....  
**


	4. There's Change

**Compulsive Noties**

**So I've decided, in this story, Sasori's a sculptor, Dei-chan's a painter, and you know, draw-er i guess? and Itachi's a bitch. And really OOC, but that's okay as long as there's a semi-good cat fight ;D Anyways, I was in a rather bad mood when I finished this chapter and didn't end it like I had originally planned. I'm not quiet sure what will happen next, but it's gonna be something cool...you just wait!  
**

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An hour dissipated quickly running from the restaurant to Sasori's and back to my place. Kisame pulled up within minutes of us in my car, Itachi right behind him in his. I stepped off my porch and over to Kisame to get my keys. Snatching them from his hand I gave him a look that held both anger and disappointment.

"And you couldn't answer your phone yesterday, why?" I asked, through curled lips.

"My fault." Itachi spat, roughly. We never did really get along.

"Hey, hooker." I said, sneering.

"Hey, slut." We exchanged mean faces before he opened his mouth again. "So whose the new butt buddy? How long you gonna keep this one, two days?" I shook my head, slowly and moved the lower half of my jaw to the right half an inch before just about charging at the beastly, black haired, bastard. But Kisame held me back.

"Now, now you too. I've asked that this be made right! I know you hate each other but, Itachi-chan, Dei-kun has been my friend for some time now, and Deidara-kun, Itachi-han _is_ my boyfriend, if you could refrain from punching his teeth out, I would be very happy." I shook out of Kisame's hold and stomped passed Sasori, grabbing his hand as I passed by before sharply turning around one last time.

"And you know what, hooker, I hope your fucking cat **dies in your arms.** Wouldn't be the first time something left ya'."

"Whatever, slut. C'mon Kisame, let's go before we catch something from that dirty prick." I shook off the last comment, though Kisame was going to have to pay for telling him about my past. I unlocked the door and angrily rushed to sit on the couch.

The anger pent up inside of me had been rather tame for a while, but something about Itachi always re-lit a calmed fire. Sasori sort of looked blankly down at me from the place I'd let go of his hand and continued walking from.

"I...I'm sorry..." I whispered, still somewhat enraged. Sasori came to sit next to me and placed a hand over my shoulder pushing it past my neck and to the other shoulder before pulling me into an embrace.

"Deidara-chan..." He began. His words soothed my flared soul. His cool touch put out the fire that had just upreared inside of me. He kissed my forehead, and nuzzled my temple. "Dei...your so...flawed...and so beautiful. You worry so much about what other think?" He asked, turning my head and lifting my chin to look him in the eye.

"Yes..."

"Well you shouldn't. The only person in this whole wide world that knows you completely...is you. So that...guy...well, he doesn't matter. His words won't make or break you...and he's not going to constantly be a person in your life controlling what's going to happen to you. The only person you should be trying to empress is yourself. Now...are you happy with you?"

I nodded. "I guess so..."

"Then that's all that should matter. Because even if you told me you going to go get bird feathers implanted in your butt to make you a peacock, I'd still feel the same about you..." There was a moment of silence, before he laughed softly, and covered his mouth, looking away.

"I wouldn't do that, though..." I said, smiling.

"That's not why I'm laughing..." He whispered.

"Then why are you laughing?" I asked removing myself from his arms. He paused, pondering of what to say I suppose.

"I think...I think I'm falling for you..." My smile broadened, and I laid my head back on his chest, and listened to his fast paced heart beat.

"Sasori-danna...I think I'm falling for you too..." He laced his fingers through my hair. For that moment, I knew that something was completely right here. "Sasori-danna?"

"Yes?"

"Can I draw you?" He sighed, and I felt his head shift place, and drop the piece of hair he'd twirled around his finger.

"Why would you want to draw me?" He asked, sounding almost perplexed.

"Danna..." I said letting go, and pulling myself from his warm body. "Please...I just want you to see you...how I see you." We exchanged looks, mine pleading, his...blank.

"Okay..." I smiled and got up to go get _my_ easel and pencil. When I came back out, he was sitting exactly as I had left him.

"Danna! Take off your shirt!" He quietly followed orders, and stripped himself of the useless article of clothing. "Now lay down. Relax...do whatever is comfortable." As I sat down to the blank piece of paper I wondered if I could really catch all that I really saw.

About fifteen minutes through he finally spoke up.

"I'm really a sculptor." He stated, monotone as usual.

"Really? Then why were you drawing me this morning?"

"Couldn't find my sculpting tools..." I sighed and continued drawing.

" I don't sculpt. I draw, constantly. I used to carry around sketchbooks with me, but it became a hassle when I was looking for a job."

"Did you find one?" He asked, raising his hand to scratch his head.

"No...but I won't actually need one for another year or so. I have enough money left over from bomb making to last that long...I might go back to college though. Then I'd really need a job."

"You never finished?"

"Making bombs took up most of my time...I sold my soul to those bombs...each bomb holds a little part of me inside of it. Bomb making really devoured my life. It's one of those things, well for me at least, that once you pick up, you have a hard to putting down until your satisfied with what's been done."

"Didn't it bother you that your bomb making could be hurting people?"

"You know, it did come across my mind once...I tried to picture someone being killed by my bomb and only saw those who had mocked me. I felt no remorse."

"Do you now?" He asked, shifting slightly.

"Picture them being bombed?"

"No, feel remorse."

"I don't know..." I said stopping my hand from drawing and looked at him from around the large sketchpad. "Should I?" He smiled,

"Not if you don't think you should." I shrugged and went back to the drawing.

"Some people had drugs, some had alcohol, some even depended on sex like I once had, but then I had bombs. Bombs wouldn't judge me, bombs wouldn't tell me I was wrong. Bombs wouldn't love me, nor care about me, but they were there. They were a creation of mine that no one would critique. And once I was done with it, it would move on to serve a purpose. Good or bad." Sasori stayed quiet after that, and I hoped I hadn't scared him.

"The blood doesn't have to be on your hands if you wipe it off. Perhaps...perhaps you enjoy the velvet, red colored, painless substance. As long as no one notices...as long as no one cares."

"I'm done." I said, ignoring the odd comment. He got up and walked over to me and looked at the piece of paper.

"Wow...do you really see me like that?" He asked, placing his elbow softly on my shoulder. I looked up at him, and smile broadly.

"So you like it?" He nodded.

"Will you ink it and paint it?"

"If you want me to." He leaned over and kissed me. It kinda caught me off guard, so I just looked at him wit but it didn't take long for me to kiss him back. We were lip locked for only a moment before I felt his tongue glide across my bottom lip. I cracked my lips and slid over his tongue with mine. It didn't take long for me to want more then just a kiss.

I tugged on the front of his jeans and hoped he'd catch on to my wordless talking.

"Right...here? Now?" He asked, already knowing the answer, because as I nodded my head, he was already unbuttoning his pants. He leaned in to kiss me again, and I whispered into his ear.

"Nothing romantic, just a quicky." Sasori abruptly stopped, and when I went back to kiss him it was much like one would compare to kissing a doll. With soft lips.

"No." He said, standing up straight, and buttoning his pants. "I'm not like those other guys, Deidara..." I stood up and threw my arms around him realizing the error in my ways. He didn't wrap his arms back around me, he just stayed statued. "Deidara...are you really changed?" It felt like a sharp pain had entered my chest.

"Danna...Danna no! I'm new!" I said, stepping back. "I'm not like I once was! Those were old ways...please believe me when I say I'm ready to lay it all out for you..." A wonder filled gaze took over his eyes.

"Deidara...your handsome...so delicate..." He placed a hand on my face, tracing every feature slowly. "You can't throw yourself at me like a piece of meat...I will only accept your body if you choose to do so as well as me. I...I want to be a part of you life...but I don't want it to be this part. Deidara-kun...I'm going to go." He turned to leave, but I grabbed his hand.

"They always told me...they always said this was the life I lead. And I don't want them to be right." By this time tears were streaming down my face. For the first time in years, I felt broken...maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe it was the fact that what I felt for this man wasn't like anything else I'd felt. Maybe for once instead of touch...I did want romance.

"Who are they?" He asked, mid-step.

"They are everyone. Everything. And most of all...they...they are the one thing I really hoped you weren't."

-:-

It was an hour we spent on the couch, sitting silenced lock in one another's eyes. After that it was a blur, lights went out and we both laid in bed, hand in hand...not really needing to say much more. So as of right now that's what we were doing. Just laying in bed. Enjoying each other's company.

"Will you hold me?" I asked, trying not to push the boundaries. I didn't want him to leave because he thought I was just looking for another fuck buddy.

"I-"

"Just hold me...that's all." He took a very deep breath and pulled me into his warmth. "I want your affection...in every way shape and form...I want the feeling I get when you hold me. I want the eternal hope you give me that I can feel love. I want...I want all that you can offer."

"All I can offer...is all I give to you...it's all I have to give, and all I will ever put forth. Don't ever for one second doubt my intentions. Because the moment you do I doubt yours."

"Will you kiss me..." I asked, feeling his breath flowing over my ear and neck. Lifting my head he kissed me.

"All I have to offer..."

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**I would have had this posted yesterday, but just as I was writing Author's notes, my mum told me to come eat Dx**


	5. I Want All Of You

**Compulsive Noties**

**You guys, I did my best, but I finished the story. Sorry it's kinda crappy, but I've been rather lacking in creativity latley. I hope you still enjoy it though. I'd like to dedicate this to one particular reviewer..."**ornithia" **they went by? They gave my the best reveiw I've had in years. Not that I don't appreciate other reviews, but hers was so detailed, I was very very to read it. Thank you.**

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When I woke up the next morning I stretched out in my bed, this is what I did every morning...unless there was someone else in my bed with me. This time there should have been, but there wasn't. My mind was only fifty percent awake as it was, so as I caught on to the idea that there was something missing from this picture, my hand slipped over a piece of paper.

"_Deidara-chan, I've left...I want to say I know where I'm going. I really do. I also want to say I know why I'm leaving. I want to say I know what's going on in my head...but I can't. Please forgive my stupidity, but I care about you so much. I care so much about you my stomach is in knots as I write this because I know that as your reading this your getting upset. I'm getting upset having to write this...but I have to. I have to leave you as you are now...I think things are going to fast. As much as I'd like to slow down, I know that we're still on high speed. Know this Dei...you are important to me, with this said, I'll be back. I just need time to clear my head. I just need time to think...and you might need this time to..."_

But I didn't...I didn't need this time at all. In fact, knowing that he woke early to write this and leave was tearing me up inside, very much so. Saying I was feeling heart broken wasn't...wasn't the words I was looking for. So I ignored it. I went back to sleep. I was near tears, I'm not gonna lie, but I went back to sleep. I slept clear until the next day, dreaming only of times when held me, held me close and promised he cared. I vividly dreamed of his warm arms caressing my slightly more slider figure. When I woke up for the second time, I knew I had to eat something, but I ignored that, too. Rolling out of bed, I walked down the hall and into the living room. The empty feeling filled my head, and the room. When I got to the couch, I sat down and looked up at the ceiling. Thinking. Just thinking about him.

There was a knock at the door an hour later, so I got up to answer it. When I unlocked the door, and opened it, Sasori stood before me. I looked up at him, one eye covered by my bangs, still not dressed. I wanted to slam the door in his face...no I wanted to slap him across the face...no I wanted to yell at him with all of my energy. But that wasn't the case at all...I just wanted to cry. I wanted to express the feelings of anger, remorse, sadness, and the sinking feeling that I had slipped up. I wanted him to hold me, hold me like he did in my dreams.

I began to weep, and collapsed to the floor. Both legs folded besides me, he picked me up. He carried me to the couch where I once lay. Thinking about him, only moments before. He pulled me off his shoulder, and looked at me.

He took his fingers and ran them through my hair, pushing the golden locks from out of my eyes. He wiped my tears away.

"Calm down...just...take some deep breaths. Now...go clean yourself up. When you come back, we'll talk." He said, as if this was just going to be a conversation about nothing important. I got up and did as he said. When I came back and sat down next to him, he looked at me, trying hard to mask his feelings, but in his eyes I could see a flicker of sympathy. "You can't do this every time I leave." My jaw began to quiver, and I looked down. When he placed his hand in mine I knew he meant business.

"You can't leave me every time I go to sleep...that's what _they_ did...I don't deal with loneliness very well." I confessed.

"So it wasn't what the school children said. Was it? It was...you...needing someone else..." I pulled my hand from his to cover my face. I didn't want him to see my cry again, even if he would hear my sobs. He took my hand from my face gently, and kissed me. "It was, wasn't it? You were alone..."

"Nobody understood! Nobody cared! They just wanted the fuck...so I'd give it to them, and in return I got touch. I got the feeling of being next to somebody. For a few minutes, or an hour, someone cared about me. They were rough, they were careful. But no matter what, they were there. I wasn't alone for that day! I wasn't alone!" I was getting tired of crying now, but couldn't stop. Years and years of suppressed unhappiness was being let out now, and I didn't know why. "I'm-I'm sorry, I was weak!"

"Deidara-chan...why would you lie? Why couldn't you just say that to begin with?" I calmed myself down somewhat and was finally able to speak.

"For the same reason you couldn't tell me why you left."

"Dei...I already knew." I stopped, and sniffed, looking over at him.

"Knew...what?"

"That you wanted the touch. It was why I left...I didn't think I could handle you only wanting my touch. I wanted...how do I put this...I wanted all of you. Not just the parts you wanted to offer me. I gave you all of me, and I knew you only giving me half."

"So why didn't **you** tell the truth." I seethed.

"What did you expect me to say 'I'm sorry Dei, but I don't want to put my heart on the line of to someone who just wants to fuck all the time.' I'd rather sit here in complete silence with you knowing that we're falling in love, then to fuck you. For all I know, you could move on, with or without my knowledge. How do I know that _you_ won't be satisfied with me? How do I know I'm with you for faulty reasons." I was enraged now, and got up to leave. He swiftly grabbed my wrist, and begged me to stay without even using a word.

"Danna, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but...I can't start a relationship with you if all your going to do is doubt me on my words, then use my past as an excuse to run out on me. I want you so bad...I can't eat, I can't breath. And the only thing I ask of you is to want me back. I want you to hold me like if you let go, you'd never see me again. I want you to hope now will never end like I do when you kiss me. I want you to want to fast forward though not being around me, and only want to pause when we're in each other's arms. I want you to feel for me what I feel for you." He pulled me back, and for the third time in a matter of minutes, I was in tears. "I want you...I want you to want me."

"Deidara-chan...I do...I really, really do." He whispered. Pulling me back into his arms. "You don't get it...you just don't see how badly I need to know you won't leave. I just want you to be there...I want to start something with you that could only be between me and you. I want be there for you. I need you Dei...I need to know you need me too."

"I really do..." I said, feeling his head rubbing against mine. I didn't know what it was the held us together, I didn't know what was pulling us apart, whether it was my past, his present, or just the feeling that everything was rushing. But I didn't care anymore. "Are we starting something?" I asked, gingerly.

"I gu...well I...yes. Yes, Deidara-chan, we are."

"Will you...promise not to leave me again?"

"Dei-chan, I won't leave your side unless it is absolutely necessary. Just don't leave mine."

"You won't judge me for my past?"

"Let's start a new chapter together."

"Together."I repeated. It was quiet for a while.

"The loveless becomes loved. The feeling of lost hope I thought would burn through my chest, the pain of loneliness I thought would never go away, finally left to welcome a new feeling."

**-:Fin:-**

**Reveiwss?**


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